Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis II
by JakeandAmir4Ever
Summary: This is a mini-series based off of the Financial Crisis PSA.
1. Chapter 1

**Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis II: Part I**

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><p>Grif stood in absolute disbelief at what Sarge was doing. Grif stood there in just his under armor suit and helmet, and watched as Sarge put a line of masking tape down the center of the Red's Base. Sarge had generously offered to let the Blues live at their base because they made bad investments and lost their base, tank, and any weaponry or equipment.<p>

"Sarge, I have to say that this is probably the dumbest idea you've ever had" Grif said.

"No one cares what you think dirtbag, you have no say in what I do with the base I'm in charge of" Sarge said.

"Sir, with all due respect I'm going to have to go with Grif on this one" Simmons said.

"Simmons, you don't get a say either" Sarge said.

"What!" Simmons asked.

"Simmons, even though you're the only soldier in this canyon I respect your still only a Private, and that means you don't have say in what we do" Sarge replied.

"But I am a Private First Class; doesn't that entitle me to any kind of authority?" Simmons asked.

"You are still higher on the food chain then Grif" Sarge replied.

"Does that mean I can boss him around?" Simmons asked.

"No" Sarge replied.

"God damn it" Simmons said.

"There all finished, now where are the Blues?" Sarge asked.

"They went back to their base to try and take it back from those 8 bit guys" Grif replied.

"You gave them the money you got for selling your armor and gun, right Grif?" Sarge asked.

"Ugh, yes" Grif replied.

"Excellent that combined with all the money we gave them by taking out a mortgage on our base is over one thousand dollars" Sarge said.

"Sarge aren't you just a bit worried that taking out a mortgage we don't have money to pay for because we're giving all our money to the Blue, might result in us becoming homeless?" Simmons asked.

"Nope" Sarge replied.

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><p><strong>Hey guys this was the surprise I was talking about. This is the first of a five part mini-series based on the Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis PSA. If you have not seen this video I suggest you check it out. I will be updating this the same day as Red vs Blue: Valhalla. Hope you had a Holly, Jolly, Hanukah.<strong>


	2. READ THIS

**Sorry I haven't updated since the first chapter. I will update next week though, so just be patient. For my Red vs Blue: Valhalla fans who have been wondering where I got the idea for a Grif toy I got from a picture, and the artists account is on my front page**


	3. Chapter 2

**Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis II: Part II**

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><p>Church and Caboose were inside their base, although now it technically wasn't their base anymore. They had for some reason decided to invest by upgrading their flag, and by buying Hedge Fund stocks. When they lost their money they took out a sub-prime home equality loin on their base. They then lost their base, their tank, and all their ammo and provisions.<p>

Their base was sold to characters from a different game. Church and Caboose now live with the Reds. Once Church realized that by having Sarge stupidly pay him money would bankrupt them to, so he kept doing it. Then once he realized that if he kept bankrupting him and Caboose wouldn't have a place to live, he hatched a better plan. He and Caboose are now trying to get their base back.

The base was dark and Church was walking along the wall. "Okay I think the coast is clear, let's keep moving…Caboose?" Church whispered.

"Church where are you? Where am I?" Caboose asked.

"I have a simple answer for both questions, your right next to me!" Church replied.

"I can't see you though" Caboose said.

"Well since the room isn't that dark, I'm going to ask you if your eyes are open" Church asked.

"…Oh, okay I can see much better now" Caboose said.

"Ugh, remind me why I brought you along" Church said.

"You said that I might die" Caboose replied.

"Yeah, that was before I remembered who we were stealing this base back from. Those little guys can't hurt us" Church said.

"Oh, really?" Mario asked.

Church turned around to see Mario and Luigi standing in front of them. Church, not being afraid of them, stood up and was 3 feet taller than both of them.

"Yeah, that's right plumbers. We're taking back our base, and there's nothing you can do about it" Church said.

"Is that right? Luigi, hand me a flower" Mario said. Luigi handed Mario a flower that he had in his pocket.

"Yeah, you could use a flower for your funeral, wait why are you eating it?" Church asked as Mario put the flower in his mouth. Mario then grew five times bigger than he was, and his hat and his shirt turned white while his overalls turned red.

"This is bad" Church said. Fireballs started shooting out of Mario's mouth and Church and Caboose caught on fire.

Church and Caboose ran out of the base screaming, and ran into the stream in front of the base. After they were no longer on fire, they kept running back to the Reds. "Yeah that's right, keep running you multiplayer jackasses!" Mario yelled.

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><p><strong>Thanks for being so patient, and for reading.<strong>


	4. Chapter 3

**Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis: Part III**

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><p>Church, Sarge, Grif, Simmons, and Caboose were all in small room with one table, and schematics of their canyon. They had decided to work together to get Church and Caboose's base back from the Mario Brothers. They decided to do this after it became apparent to them that they couldn't stand being around each other every single moment of every single day.<p>

"Okay, it's time to plan out Operation: Infiltrate Mushroom Kingdom" Church said.

"That doesn't make any sense" Grif said.

"Shut up Grif, you've critiqued every single operation name I have come up with" Church said.

"I'm just saying we're invading the base, not the Mushroom Kingdom" Grif said.

"It doesn't matter Grif" Simmons said.

"Fine, be wrong" Grif said.

"Now, Sarge will take the floor now as he has come up with a number of strategies for getting the base back" Church said.

"Thank you Church, Strategy Number 1- Sarge was cut off by Grif.

"Before you start, how many of these strategies involve me running into the base with explosives strapped to my chest?" Grif asked.

"You know me to well Grif, the fact that you're going to explode later makes me feel better about that though" Sarge said.

"I am not doing that" Grif said.

"Yeah, were trying to take back the base not blow it up" Church said.

"Fine I've got one other plan. Grif will run out at the base, and while he is being killed we sneak up behind those guys and slit their throats" Sarge said.

"Can we switch Grif with Caboose?" Church asked.

"What, did you say my name?" Caboose asked.

"See, he's so dumb he'll be on board no matter what" Church said.

"Okay no! We have to come up with a plan where we all live" Simmons said.

Church and Sarge both looked at each other, then turned back to Simmons and at the same time said "That's going to be difficult".


	5. Chapter 4

**Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis: Part IIII**

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><p>Church was looking through his sniper rifle at the beachside base. Mario and Luigi were sitting on top of the base.<p>

"Okay, does everybody remember the plan?" Church asked through his helmet radio.

"Yes" Grif said.

"Yep" Simmons said.

"You bet" Sarge said.

"Yes, No, wait, witch one wouldn't you be mad about?" Caboose asked.

"Oh my god Caboose it's simple you and Grif will spam grenades at them while I shoot, and while they're distracted Sarge and Simmons will sneak up behind them and kill them" Church said.

"Finally, my thirst for blood will be clenched" Sarge said.

"Oh my god, Sergeant is a vampire" Caboose said.

"No he's not, Caboose" Church said.

"Although, I do respect vampires" Sarge said.

"Yeah I hate to agree with Sarge, but vampires are pretty cool. Except for those crappy vampires in that stupid book Simmons is reading" Grif said.

"It's called Twilight, and it's awesome" Simmons said.

"I will never understand your fascination for books, Simmons" Grif said.

"I will never understand your fascination for bacon flavored marshmallows" Simmons said.

"Hey, don't knock the bacon-marshmallows until you try them" Grif said.

"Don't knock Twilight until you read it" Simmons said.

"Guys, shut up! Caboose do you remember the plan now?" Church asked.

"…Can you repeat it?" Caboose said.

"Ugh!" Church grunted.


	6. Chapter 5

**Red vs Blue: Financial Crisis: Part V**

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><p>Church was watching The Mario Brothers through the scope of his sniper rifle. "Alright Caboose, Simmons, initiate Distraction Protocol 9" Church said.<p>

"Um...What?" Simmons asked.

"Ugh, do the distraction" Church said.

"Well you could've just said that, none of the stuff you said made sense" Simmons said.

"Just do it!" Church said.

"Alright, fine" Simmons said. Caboose and Simmons proceeded to take out their flamethrowers, and set fire al around the front of the base.

"Yeah how do you like this, bitches" Simmons said.

"Yeah take this, b-words" Caboose said.

"Hey Caboose, why don't' you let me do the trash talk" Simmons said.

"Okay" Caboose said.

"Mama Mia!" The Mario Brother screamed from the roof of the base.

"Okay Sarge and Grif, now" Church said.

Mario and Luigi tried to escape from the back ramps, but Sarge and Grif were at both of them with flamethrowers blocking them.

"Oh, shit" Luigi said.

"Okay Blue, what now?" Sarge asked.

"Oh…Ugh…" Church said.

"You don't know what to do, do you?" Grif asked.

"No" Church said.

"What!" Everyone except Caboose asked at once.

"Wait, what, what's happening?" Caboose asked.

"I guess I didn't think this all the way through" Church said.

"You think" Simmons said.

"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" Everyone turned to Mario to see hi m laughing. "You foolish idiots think you can get one over on us, well we can escape with this" Mario said holding a red star.

'Um, what is that?" Simmons asked.

"It's a star, gee your dumb Simmons" Caboose said.

"Ugh!" Simmons grunted.

"With this star, we shall fly away" Mario said. Mario ate the star, his overalls and hat turned black, Luigi grabbed a hold of him, and they started flying away.

"Damn it, they're getting away" Church said.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Simmons asked.

"Simmons I would expect a stupid question like that from Grif" Sarge said.

"Still just standing 15 feet away" Grif said.

"If they leave they'll just come back" Church said.

"Well, any good ideas?" Simmons asked.

Church thought for a moment before seeing a Rocket Launcher in the grass, and seeing a blue bolt shoot out of the base. "I have an idea, but you might want to take a step back" Church said picking up the Rocket Launcher.

"Too stupid to stop us, huh" Mario said.

"You better do your plan now, Blue" Sarge said.

"Just 10 more seconds" Church said.

"Hurry it up" Simmons said.

"No, this is great suspense" Grif said.

"Hey Mario brothers" Church said after 10 seconds.

"What?" Mario and Luigi asked.

"Take this" Church said firing a rocket at them, but not hitting them.

"Ha, you missed" Mario said.

"Oh, did I? "Church asked.

Mario and Luigi turned around to see the rocket heading for the blue bolt coming out of the base.

"OH SHIT!" Mario and Luigi said before the massive explosion that occurred, engulfed them both. They died instantly.

"Well it just goes to show you, don't mess with the blues" Church said.

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><p>Church was sleeping dreaming about the explosion when he noticed something jabbing at him. He opened his eyes to see it was Caboose trying to wake him up.<p>

"God what is it Caboose, I was sleeping?" Church asked.

"I was wondering if you still wanted to upgrade our flag, and buy those Hedge Fund stocks" Caboose said.

Church thought back to his dream for a second, and then gave Caboose what he thought was the most logical answer. "Yes, you idiot".

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it.<strong>


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